7.21.2006

The Hatfields and the McCoys, Middle Eastern Style

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That's the conflict between Israel and the Islamic World, plain and simple. Isaac Hatfield and Ishmael McCoy started it all, over 6,000 years ago, in that same region of the world.

I have said this before, but to restate briefly: They were half-brothers, sharing Abraham as their father. Abraham's wife Sarah harped on Abe until he more or less screwed Ishmael... at least that's what Izzy's mom, Hagar - a spurned woman - said. As their Lord promised, each of the brothers went on to build great Nations. Over the next six millennia these Nations went at each other time and time again. Their lands were lost and won and lost and won ad nauseum. They have been hating one another and blaming one another, and fabricating reasons to hate and blame for so long it has become part of their cultural make-up. It has engrained itself into their very genes! This is why, today, we still see them fighting.

Now our politicians and diplomats, our strategists and military experts, our pundits and pinhead news anchorgirls seem to have this embarrassing notion that, somehow, THEY have a solution - a solution to this 6,000-year-old enmity between the brothers. How can our politicians et al. be so naive? The reason perhaps is simple. Each new generation of American simply is living in total ignorance. They have no clue how many centuries these ancient adversaries have been at it. And they proceed under the false assumption that the Semite peoples think the way we Westerners do. They do not. They live in a culture steeped in the finer points of obfuscation, tortured logic, and have raised flat out fabrication to an art form.

These people enjoy debate so much they never want it to end. Of course this debate is not an ordinary one, it's one prosecuted at the end of a gun, and anyone who thinks he has a solution is a fool who will shortly be parted from his gold.

These people are shrewd. Each side knows how to suck outsiders into the fray, duping them into providing benefits to each side. In return, the outsiders get nothing but grief and humiliation. Ask the ancient Egyptians. The many small nations which once surrounded the Babylonian and Assyrian Empires. Ask Pontias Pilate and his Roman Emperor. Ask the Brits. Hell, ask Bill Clinton.

There are only three ways to deal with a clash between families such as the Hatfields and the McCoys:

Option 1) One of the two familes must move as far away from the other as possible. To the other side of the globe is not too far. But in the case of Israel and its neighbors, this is not possible. The Holy land is the Holy Land. Neither faction is about to build another Jerusalem in Tulsa. So this option is out.

Option 2) A Big Brother must step in, separate the two fighting families, and tell them if either one starts to fight again they will be spanked so hard they will sting for decades. But that Big Brother must stay there to enforce the rules. If they stay for enough generations, perhaps the hatred can be bred out of the two families. Who can do this? Certainly the Romans couldn't. The UN, that perennial joke of Our Time, with its ineffectual leaders can't be counted on to do anything but sponge off the candy store. The U.S. is already embroiled in the mess nextdoor and has no clue how to disentagle the mess. That's because: (see paragraph three). While this option is not very likely, it is not entirely out of the question. Perhaps a coalition of the U.S., Russia and China could pull it off. Hmm. I take that back. This option is out.

Option 3) Everybody get the hell out of the way and let the brothers have at it once and for all. Other countries can choose sides and surreptitiously supply heavier and heavier arms to the side of their choice. Large corporations will make billions. It will get very nasty and very messy. Millions will be slaughtered by the time it's over. Mushroom clouds of radioactivity will sweep across the deserts, mountains and seas. And when there are not enough remaining upright to bury their dead, it will be over by default. New boundries will be drawn by some international council, and peace will be declared. At least for a few generations - before the hatred seeps out again through the genes. Awful a choice as it is, this is the option with the greatest chance of success. But it does pose two monumental problems for the rest of us. The probable total disruption of our oil supplies. People like Al Gore and Arianna Huffington won't be able to fuel their private jets to speechify around the world about how it's all Bush's fault. Hmm. Maybe that's a GOOD thing. The other problem? There will be immeasurable loss of innocent life.

You see? When nations clash, it is always the blameless whose blood is disproportionally spilt. Innocent women, men and children; civilian as well as soldier will be ground to dust for no good reason. Anyone who sits in a safe perch and urges others to war is missing some part of his or her soul. It is the Middle Easterners' problem, not ours. It is they who must decide if they want to live or die. If their reason cannot triumph over their madness, God have mercy on them all.
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