The subject of America’s southern border has always been contentious. For decades, our politicians have prevaricated, pretended, stalled, connived and just plain lied to the citizens of America about their stands on the issue of border security.
Following is a condensation of the decades-old debate raging between our citizens (“CIT”) and our elected officials (Senators-Governors-Mayors-Congresspersons “SENGOV MAYCONG”):
CIT: So, Sengov Maycong, I see that you voted in favor of a border wall, but also in favor of providing benefits to illegal aliens. Isn’t that contradictory?
SENGOV MAYCONG: Well, no Cit, that's not factual. I'm in favor of giving a pathway to citizenship to those immigrants who have been in the US and are working and have not broken the law.
CIT: So, basically you're in favor of giving benefits to illegal aliens who have not broken the law?
SENGOV MAYCONG: Well, they are not illegal aliens, Cit, they are undocumented immigrant workers.
CIT: Undocumented immigrants? They've come across our borders by skirting the legal pathway. Isn't that by definition, uh... illegal?
SENGOV MAYCONG: Oh, just a technicality heh-heh-heh. But, Cit, they have come here looking for work... these are hard working people just trying to support their families, Cit.
CIT: So, you're in favor of giving benefits to illegal aliens but just to hard working illegal aliens?
SENGOV MAYCONG: Now you're trying to be clever, Cit.
CIT: Clever? First you say you’re for a border wall, increased security and deporting criminal aliens; then you vote in favor of sanctuary cities and benefits for illegals. You are lying to your constituents!
SENGOV MAYCONG: Now just a second!
CIT: ...Or is it that you vote for a border wall and tighter security because you know it’s a “safe” vote... you know in advance that your vote will have no effect on the outcome because you know the bill will not pass and you just vote yes for your re-election campaign. So your vote and your position are all fake.
SENGOV MAYCONG: (sputtering) That’s outrageous!
CIT: Is it? Are you not an elected official, a public servant? Let me emphasize the word "servant"... and let me remind you that it is I, a citizen of the United States, a legal one incidentally, who you were elected to serve. One of a majority of citizens here who don't want you to reward people who are here illegally. And this is not an interview, SenGov MayCong, this is a performance review. So far, sir/madam you are failing miserably. What about that is so difficult for you to grasp?
SENGOV MAYCONG: Look, you little pisher, we need these people to do the work you and your sports-and-iPod-and-Game-of-Thrones-sex-obsessed fellow citizens are too lazy or too damned proud to do. Who's going to clean your toilets and pick your lettuce?
CIT: What are you saying? Twenty million people came here illegally just to clean toilets and pick lettuce?
SENGOV MAYCONG (winking and poking CIT with his elbow): Hopefully not in that order - hahaha! But seriously...
CIT: There isn't enough freakin’ lettuce in the world for twenty million people to pick, SenGovMayCong! And while you have been stalling for decades, the number of “undocumented aliens” has ballooned to the point where it’s become impossible to actually do anything to fix it because their children are citizens who will vote for you and your pro-immigrant policies (big smiles of agreement from Sengov MayCong). Look, I know some of them are not M.I.T. grads, and most Americans can feel at least some sympathy for them, but just how many illegals does it take to pick a freakin’ head of lettuce? I hate lettuce. A lot of us would gladly give up lettuce if we could clean up this border mess and crack down on sanctuary cities. How about these illegals who are either in prison, driving drunk and killing Americans, or even raping and molesting our children?
SENGOV MAYCONG: Clearly these people don't belong here. But look, kid, you just don’t understand how things work. We all say we want the wall, or higher security or reform of our immigration policy. We say what you want to hear. It’s political rhetoric! None of us really want to change the way it is. If we wanted change, we’d change it! Democrats want the status quo for votes, liberal blocks and enforcers, Republicans want the status quo to appease their big corporate donors. Don’t you see? Everybody’s happy this way. It’s win/win/win.
CIT: Except our middle class. They have become cynical and nobody believes you guys anymore. The only thing you all are good at is making excuses for doing nothing.
SENGOV MAYCONG: Well, we are all against criminals entering the US, you can be sure of that.
CIT: Can we? When you look the other way, and allow them ALL to come here, not just the hard-working freakin’ lettuce pickers! You promised you would support building a wall, didn’t you? Look it’s right here in your voting record. But as soon as you’re elected you reneg on your promise. You always do.
SENGOV MAYCONG (laughing): There you go again. You're a real Charlie Brown, you know that? We hold that border wall football down and promise we won't pull it away... so you can kick it. And you fall for it every time. The border fence is just a football, don't you get it? Like the Middle East. Do you think any of us gives a camel’s ass about that giant litter box? It's just something we can beat the president over the head with. Don't tell me you haven't noticed how flat his head has become.
CIT: So now what are you going to do with all these non-citizen criminals and gangs and drug dealers and terrorists you invited into our country? Are you in favor of deporting them?
SENGOV MAYCONG: Yes. Absolutely. Well (ahem)... unless they’re going to vote for me.
CIT: Whoa! How can they vote if they're not citizens?
SENGOV MAYCONG: Oh, poppycock. It's just like those toilets they clean... if they can push the little handle down, why, they can vote. If they can touch the damn screen in the right place, as far as I am concerned they are fine upstanding Americans. One man, one vote (two if they are voting for me, heh-heh). Where does it say you have to be a citizen in order to vote Democrat? Where does it say you need to be a citizen to get a driver's license? Or to be an American for that matter?
CIT (scratching his/her head): Uh... in the Constitution? In the statutes of all 50 States?
SENGOV MAYCONG: The Consti-TOO-shun!? Ha! Get with the program, you sap, it's a "living document." We change the meaning of “is” on a whim. That’s what Federal judges are for. Remember, we didn't use to let blacks vote. Ha! Did you know that, smarty pants?
CIT: They’re US citizens! But you're in favor of allowing illegal ALIENS, citizens of other countries, to vote in the US.
SENGOV MAYCONG: As long as they vote for me. Duh! It’s who we are. It's the New World Order, Cit. We're an "inclusive society." Besides, how else could I possibly win an election?
CIT: I sure as hell wouldn't vote for you. You're unbelievable!
SENGOV MAYCONG: Unbelievable? I like the sound of that, thank you, Cit. May I quote you? I'll consider that an endorsement. Well, amigo, gotta go. I'm off to Mexico with my family... free vacation you know.
