9.26.2006

The Home of the Brave?

~
I heard an interesting interview on tv recently, where-in the guest, an author and "expert" on international affairs - this was a very knowledgeable and bright man - was asked what do we do about Iran?

His answer was troubling to the interviewer and to me. Essentially, he said there are no good options. His point was that no matter what we do, we more or less play into the hands of the Iranian leaders. If we put severe sanctions on Iran, the people will suffer, the leaders won't, and it will instill even stronger hatred for the US. If we (or Israel) bomb their nuclear facilities, we will at best slow them down for a few years, make their population hate us more, and the problem will come back worse. If we bomb other targets in Iran, such as the petroleum industry, we will cause another terrible oil shortage and cause pain not only in the US but around the world. If we try to support the anti-Iranian forces within the country, it will probably take too long, get many of them killed, and not work in the end. He said there are some very smart people in our government who are working on this problem and to date have found no "good" options.

Here's one I'd recommend if I were advising the NSC. Update the stupid rule barring us from carrying out covert political assassinations. Or just circumvent it. Take out the three or four top leaders in Iran, just as Lee Harvey Oswald (or whoever it was) took out JFK. There is always plausible deniability when these things are done with enough Machiavellian deception. This is the only option that puts the ball in their court and doesn't make cannon-fooder of our troops. (It seems this is one of the few things I and Pat Robertson agree on, although he was suggesting this approach to neutralize Hugo Chavez).

What are the Iranians going to do about it? Their country will descend into political chaos where the rebels might have a chance to oust the religious fanatics. What can the remains of the current Iranian leadership do? Appoint themselves as the new fanatical leaders? Take them out too. Keep doing it until "they get it" and the Iranians get some sane leadership. Compared to the other options, assassin's bullets or poison is cheaper both in dollars as well as in lives.

If they point their finger at us, we might claim that just as the Holocaust "never happened," we do not believe these assasinations ever happened - they were just unfortunate accidents.

Is there any morality in doing this? Of course there is. The Iranian leadership has made it plain. They intend to eradicate Israel. They intend to destroy the West. They support terrorists worldwide and join an international conspiracy to overthrow America. Is not the taking of these treacherous few lives not a just cost for saving the thousands or millions they threaten? Is there any morality to spending billions more of very-needed dollars sending hundreds of thousands of our troops somewhere to face death in order to do a job a few well-trained "hit-men" can do for a fraction of the cost in treasure and lives? How can there be any question?

If you ask me, I say today's Western leaders - including and perhaps especially our own - are among history's worst cowards. Why in hell else would they believe "their" lives are more valuable than their military or anyone else's? Of course they are not!

We had Ahmedinijad right here in New York City last week. It wouldn't have been the best place to take him out. Better to do it in his own country and with the greatest amount of plausible deniability. But, to illustrate, one well-trained "lunatic" in the crowd or across the street in an office building could have done it. Or an unfortunate manhole explosion under his car as it passed by would have done the job. These things happen.

Taking out a few of these leaders will send a powerfully loud and clear message to the rest of the world's tinhorn tyrants (of which there are far too many anyway). The Message: Keep screwing with us and you're next.

Recently, Christopher Hitchens, a fellow I respect, waxed about the concept of pre-emptive strikes. They are good, he opined, because while they can be very destructive they can save many, many more innocent lives than the miscreant lives they take. It's an old and good argument. But if pre-emptive strikes are good, pre-emptive assassinations are even better. For example, had the Europeans had the foresight to take out Hitler and a dozen of his top people before they went on their rampage, we might have saved the lives of fifty million people who were slaughtered in the lead-up and course of WWII.

There is no way a sane person can argue that saving fifty million innocent lives is not worth the killing of a few madmen. Who needs these people? The world would be so much better off without them.

Of course the question of where do we stop comes up. I'll leave that debate for another day. For now, we have a short list that few would disagree with.

There are all kinds of reasons our government doesn't consider this elegant solution. None of their reasons are smart. They say, for example, if we do it so will they. Well, you know fellas, that's the price of leadership. You want all the glory and gain attendant to your Washington DC jobs? In these dangerous times you also have to assume some risk. It's immoral to expect our young men in the military to assume it all for you. Somebody has to show some old fashioned American courage in DC. Is there no testosterone in Washington? Isn't this "the home of the brave?" Or is bravery another politically incorrect notion?

GW or Dick Cheney or somebody... save the lives of countless innocent men, women and children. Eradicate the crazy new Hitlers. Take 'em out NOW, before it's too late. History will vindicate this action.

9.21.2006

I Won't Give an Inch

~
I don't care if they call me a dinosaur, an ol' fogey, a misanthrope or codger. I ain't gonna give an inch to any self-destructive "progressive" fool.

I know the difference between right and wrong, and my beliefs are unshakeable despite 40 years of didactic, misguided lectures from Norman Lear, Jimmy Carter, Walter Cronkite, Madonna, Oprah, a bunch of 16th Century imams, and millions of other America-haters. Their heads are screwed up.

I don't need Jimmy, the peanut farmer (no insult meant to good peanut farmers everywhere), and his anti-American foreign-leader friends from Venezuela and Iran, and Walter to tell me America is always wrong. We're not. Where is Rosiland when we need her? Roz, baby, your hubby needs to be in a home. Maybe he can get his Habitat people to build him one... with padded walls. Jimmy's head is screwed up.

America is God's gift to the civilized world. It is the freest country in the world. America, at least as it was, is worth defending. It has given the world more good and more wonders than it has asked in return. American traditionalism is the world's only hope - unless your head is messed up and descending into a Marxist-Islamic world is your idea of fun. In that case you'd better get yourself fitted for turbans and burqas. I'll not be joining you, if that's okay with you.

I don't need Catholic priests (from whom I learned my sense of morality many years ago) to tell me it's God's Will to allow every law-breaker from every poor country in the world to pour unrestrained and unregulated into America just because they need more donations to their diocese. They are wrong and I am right. No amount of passionate rhetoric will make it right. It's wrong. Forgive me fathers but your heads are screwed up.

I don't need holier-than-thou native Americans and their Caucasian corporate crooks telling me it's good for America to have a casino on every corner. It's not. It's worse than having a gin mill on every corner. People who can't afford it spend even more at a casino than they did at the gin mill. My native American friends ought to find a more "spiritual" way to wealth. Their heads are screwed up. They should be soaring with their eagle totems and not pecking in the mud with turkeys.

I don't need Norman, Oprah and the ex-governor of NJ to tell me man laying with man is "A gift from God." It's not. It's an abomination. How do I know? If these people want to tell me what God says they ought to quote accurately from His Good Book. I don't need to be lectured by enabling psychologists that these people have no choice, that they are "born that way." They are not. At some point they chose to be that way. Why? I should think the answer would be obvious by now. Their heads are screwed up.

Progressives argue that we need to tolerate everyone's proclivities in this "progressive" age. By that reasoning, I'm sure they will tolerate my "need" to whack them in the head with my 34" Louisville Slugger with the lead core. But as six thousand years passage hasn't changed murder from being a capital sin, it hasn't changed man-laying-with-man into a blessing. The ancient rules for living on this planet don't change just because the unclean, who in the past were forced to live in the shadows, are now allowed to prance in the sunlight and twitter about their "God-given right" to do what "feels good."

Is this what "Endowed by their Creator" with the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness means? I'll grant everyone has the right to life and liberty. But it's the "pursuit of happiness" part that confuses us. It is unfortunately vague. The terms life and liberty are essentially unchanged by time and custom. We all know what they mean. But "happiness?" Did the Founding Fathers mean you can be a child predator if that's what makes you "happy?" Did they mean you can put drugs into unsuspecting women's drinks to make them more agreeable for your "happiness?" Did they mean you can have relations with your cat? That you can have 72 wives and abuse them all? Did they mean you can grow, sell and take drugs to your heart's content? That you can abandon your own countrymen if your business will profit more by out-sourcing the work? Or to idolize make-believe people such as actors and entertainers. To make sports take the place of the Sabbath and the old Sunday-go-to-meeting rituals? Did they mean it would be okay for men to make the pursuit of other men the central focus of their lives? To the point of wearing their STD's as a badge of honor? That the education system should be made into a breeding ground for another generation of "progressives" with their heads screwed up?

In the name of "progress," every generation spawns more people whose heads are screwed up, people who push the envelope, push the definition of the "pursuit of happiness" closer to the abyss. Closer to the Pit.

Some days seem to be worse than others. Some days we seem to be held captive to these "progressives," unable to do much but sit by, shake our heads sadly, and watch the suicide. Perhaps one day they will fall over the edge and somebody will need to re-teach the world about right and wrong and the real meaning of happiness. Meanwhile I will not give an inch.

9.13.2006

Mad Bush Disease Discovered

~
When I was a little kid, I remember some adult told me if you spilled Pepsi-Cola on a painted surface, the Pepsi would eat away the paint. Imagine, this adult said, what Pepsi will do in your belly! I believed it. Why wouldn't I? An adult said it was so. I told my friends. Some of the kids wouldn't drink Pepsi-Cola after that.

Of course, that's exactly what that adult hoped would happen. He or she was just trying to scare us so we wouldn't drink so much soda pop. But I was on the fence; Pepsi was a bigger bottle than Coke and only cost a nickel. That said, the question remained; did Pepsi remove paint? One day, I was having a "soda fight" with one of my friends - you know, where you hold your thumb over the open mouth of a full bottle of soda pop, shake it up violently, and then ease off on the thumb pressure. The fizz shoots out yards and yards, soaking your friend with sticky soda syrup. Ha-ha-ha. Anyway, some of my Pepsi squirted on my faithful ol' J.C. Higgins bike. I thought, hmm... let's leave it on there and see if it really eats the paint.

Days later, the paint was intact and the Pepsi was reduced to sticky syrup that easily washed off. Another urban myth exploded.

But - and here's the drift of this message - many of the other kids couldn't be convinced otherwise. They wanted to believe it and so they just went on believing, completely disregarding the evidence.

Today, many believe that President Bush was somehow the MasterMind behind, or otherwise responsible for, 9/11. It's another symptom of the Mad Bush Disease running rampant in the world. The most noticeable symptom is a fevered hallucinatory hatred for Bush. In the hallucinations he first appears to be extremely dumb, then as the fever worsens, he becomes an evil genius. The frightening thing is that there are so MANY showing up with these symptoms. Some of your friends and family, no doubt.

God forbid, but just for illustration's sake, let's say somebody murdered your mom in your own home. Let's say all the evidence points to your neighbor, Ben. But your brothers Teddy and Howard, and sisters Nancy and Hillary prefer to blame dad because... well... he's the boss and they're not. No matter what evidence is shown to them, no matter how their theory doesn't hold up to scientific scrutiny, they are going to blame dad, and they are going to tell everybody, pronouncing it as "the truth." All these people, like my childhood friends, will make it their new religion.

Who cares, right? It's just an annoyance and doesn't mean anything. Let some people make videos and write books and appear on liberal talk shows and make a few bucks with their cockamamie theories. It won't really ever matter. But what about Ben? Ben murders mom and gets a free pass from your brothers and sisters. In fact, they will insist, Ben didn't do it... but if he HAD done it, well, he was justified. Your dad did all kinds of things that offended Ben. Poor Ben, he shouldn't go to prison and be executed. It wasn't his fault. It was dad's.

Dad, being a good dad, is worried for his family's safety because Ben is still living nextdoor and has invited dozens of his creepy friends to live in the house with him. Dad notices how they are watching your family furtively and leaving threatening notes in your mailbox. So dad installs a home alarm system, bars the windows and puts dead bolts on the doors. But your stupid brothers and sisters resist everything dad does to protect the family. They insist on going to sleep with unlocked doors, open windows, and if dad wants to turn that alarm on at night, he first needs to get an approval from Uncle Max, the lawyer in Poughkeepsie who hates alarms. Dad, they constantly whine, we want to live in a completely open house where everybody is welcome regardless of their race, religion or suitcase nukes.

Sooner or later, when Ben and his friends get the chance, they will once again sneak into your home and kill you and as many of your family as they can. If any of your brothers or sisters survive, they will say "See!?" and blame dad again. Even if he is among the casualties.

Mad Bush Disease is driving many to the brink of insanity. It seems to be especially rampant in the Hollywood area where no amount of reason seems to relieve the disease which is easily transmitted from person to person by casual innuendo such as "Say, did I tell you I heard about a video of Nancy Pelosi up there in the mountains of eastern Afghanistan handing a big fat Congressional-size bag of gold to bin Laden, thanking him for his good work, and letting him know she will be doing her best to unlock the doors at night?"
~

9.07.2006

The Dead Hearts of Politicians

Truth be told, I have never felt a compelling interest in politics. I am like most Americans in that regard. We are interested in results, not machinations.

We don’t expect our elected officials to be rocket scientists. If they were, they’d be doing something more useful. We expect little more from DC politicians than that they fix what needs fixing, protect the nation’s interests, and at least be loyal to America. In return, most turn a blind eye or shake their heads in frustration at the almost inevitable corruption of electees in their own Party – you know – those who steal as much as they can get away with, hit on young Washington DC interns, and speechify on tv on the 4th of July while the rest of us eat hot dogs, and burp heartily at the blathering pols, causing everyone around the tv to laugh – that sort of thing.

Unfortunately today’s brand of politician seems less interested in opportunities for good results but very interested in opportunities for good corruption. Think about it; you only hear about it when they get caught. Feeble apologies. Why else would someone spend millions and millions of dollars, giving passionate stump speeches in places they’ve never even heard of, to get elected to a job that pays so much less? If elected, the passion suddenly turns to their own economic interests. Worse, many don’t even seem to be loyal to our nation.

Progressive liberals may ask What do you mean “your America?”

It’s the land and culture I grew up in. I was raised and schooled during what I believe were the best years this nation ever experienced – the 1940s-1950s – a time when we happily pledged our allegiance to Old Glory; and to the nation for which it stands. This was before “Under God” was inserted into The Pledge. I don’t personally care if they leave that in or take it out. It’s not the operative phrase in The Pledge.

“I pledge allegiance to...the nation...”

That’s what’s important.

To our politicians I say don’t give us claptrap about following The Constitution. The Constitution is the foundation for our nation’s laws, but there is nothing there that demands their loyalty to the “idea” of an America in which we – including most of our politicians – grew up. How can someone who grew up in a country where farmers rise at dawn to feed a world, a country with rodeos, Boy Scout troops, National Parks, stock car racing, grand baseball stadiums, sandy beaches with sailboats, fishermen and surfers, a culture that spawned Elvis, Lucy, Mickey Mantle, Mickey Mouse and the Beachboys, the likes of Neil Armstrong, George Patton and Joe DiMaggio; a culture that built the Golden Gate Bridge, the Empire State Building and carved the faces on Mount Rushmore – how could somebody who grew up among all this go to Washington and suddenly put the welfare of a foreign nation before his own? Become virtual spokesperson for some adversarial nation or value system? How can anyone who is honored by his own countrymen with election to the highest offices turn his or her back on all that he or she held dear as a child? Somewhere along the way, they somehow seem to have lost their soul. Explain that.

There is only one explanation. The heart of a politician beats to a different drummer. He has no soul. Under the guise of “protecting The Constitution” he will sell out all that makes America unique among the countries of this planet. Only a mentally-disturbed politician could argue for NOT protecting our borders during a time he claims “We are facing an enemy who wants to kill us.” Only a mentally-disturbed politician could give away our military secrets to our adversaries. Or our jobs. Or our very sovereignty.

We have heard Michael Savage describe (very aptly I might add) that liberalism is a mental disorder. But if the Democrat Party, taken over by leftist liberals is a sanitarium for the mentally disordered, what is the Republican Party? I do not see this bunch of Brooks Brothers happy-boys protecting our America any more than the grubby Democrats. If the Democrats can rightly be charged with shoveling trillions of our tax dollars into the bottomless pit of social engineering, the Republicans are pouring similar amounts into the bottomless pockets of the business school club of CEOs. Big oil CEOs. War-supply CEOs. Big Pharma CEOs. Wall Street CEOs, and on and on. How does this protect my America? Just the opposite is true.

America produces fewer and fewer things at home. Our politicians shed crocodile tears. We are just borrowing, playing with and printing money that is worth less and less each year. Like a family deeply in debt, a nation deeply in debt is vulnerable. Especially when its creditors are not its friends. Eventually, the family will be forced to pawn its heritage just to stay afloat. It sucks up to anyone with cash, no matter how unseemly. It takes in boarders whose backgrounds and motives are unknown. Most disgusting are the family members who try to convince the others to leave the doors open so strangers can come in and cause the havoc.

As a child, I once lived in just such a house in just such a neighborhood. I will never forget the fear, palpable as it was in my family and in that house and neighborhood. But whereas my family had enough drive and smarts to climb into the middle class, eventually moving to a better neighborhood, those options seem impossibly limited in a nation. Rats sense when a ship is in trouble and begin scurrying off along the mooring lines. Here in our ship of state the bilge is rapidly filling with brackish water, but we are at sea and there is nowhere to escape. It is up to us rats to save our ship.

If nothing else, I would urge every decent law-biding citizen to go out and buy a legal gun. If you already own one, buy another. This is the home of Colt and Springfield and Winchester. Even if you never unpack your new gun – a sudden surge of weapon sales to average Americans will send a very hard metal signal to our politicians and officials; their constituants are frustrated to a boiling point and no longer trust them to protect America or Americans. And our enemies, including those already among us, all of whom follow our media so closely? It should give them some pause.

Or maybe you would rather go down with the ship?
~

9.03.2006

The Divine Fire

~
So what are we to do with Iran?

We can't just attack their nuclear facilities. The cunning snakes who lead that land have planted them right among the populace of the country. If we do any kind of bombing, many innocent men, women and children will be killed and many more will be maimed. George Bush will rank right up there with Hitler, Stalin and Khan. As hawkish as I am, I do not want to see that.

So I will once again turn to "diplomacy by other means."

I understand one of the weapons we have been developing at Area 51, or China Lake or Groom Lake or some other damnable deep dark place is a high-intensity particle beam generator. Cool!

So here's the plan. Iranian President Ahmedanutjob is so infatuated with his nuclear program that he visits the facility regularly, sometimes accompanied by the Supreme Leader, the Ayatolla. Ever notice the news video they love to broadcast on Al Jezera where some poor nuclear scientist shows his latest experiment and a giant hot flame shoots out, nearly searing everyone's beards and turbans? That's the key.

Next time Ahmedanutjob and the Supremes visit this location, our particle beam gun will be poised high overhead on a military satellite. There will be a spy on the Iran science team (there's always a spy on the science team... ask Robert Oppenheimer). The spy will have planted a tiny camera in the lab. The camera image will be broadcast up to our satellite which will co-ordinate with the particle gun.

When the poor scientist sap opens the lab equipment to show Ahmedanutjob the Divine Fire, at the very instant the flame shoots up, the particle beam gun will fire a powerful burst of undetectible neutrinos - or fermions or bosons or tachyons or whatever they're cooking up these days - at the lab. The ultra-high-energy beam will pass right through the thick lab walls and strike the lab equipment, interacting with the nuclear fuel there-in which will instantly reach critical mass. The entire lab contents and all its occupants will be dissolved in a bright flash of radiation which will be contained inside the thick lab walls, thereby saving the lives of all who are outside the walls.

By some miraculous coincidence, all of Iran's fanatical religious leaders will be struck down that same day by a Divine Fire. The God of Abraham and Isaac and Jacob will be blamed for all this because everyone knows George Bush isn't clever enough to come up with an idea like this.

After the usual number of days of denial, Al Jezera will broadcast the news to the world: Iran's leading party has been dissolved... literally... in an unfortunate accident which also set back Iran's nuclear program by at least ten years. The cause of the accident will appear to be a miscalculation by Iran's nuclear physicists. Unfortunately these men cannot be punished properly because they have gone on to claim their 72 mansions with 72 rooms with 72 virgins in each room.

Condi Rice will again address the UN General Assembly. She will declare Iranian's President and Supreme leader are martyrs. There will be a moment of silence. The Israeli ambassador will pump his arm in silent joy. Iran's remaining governing body will declare new elections to be held as soon as possible.

With the help of our CIA (which is looking for a way to redeem itself) the Iranian people will be emboldened to elect non-religious-fanatic leaders - they'll want leaders like ours, leaders whose only fanaticism is motivated by good old-fashioned personal greed. Thus we just might have a few years of peace in this world. Until China starts acting up.

I'll be working on a solution for that one next.