If I were writing another sci-fi piece, it would go something like this:
In preparation for invading planet Earth, the Shtupi launch a fleet of chemical tankers to orbit our planet. The Shtupi slowly release a potion into our atmosphere which settles down, undetected, into the air of our planet. The potion contains a kind of virus which affects human brains, rendering us unable to think straight, unable to solve problems, unable to see that we are being invaded, and unable to do anything sensible. In other words, the Shtupi Shtupid Virus. Then the invaders land and, without a shot being fired, simply abduct all our beautiful women.
Could this actually happen?
I think there is abundant evidence that, actually, it is happening. Oh, I don’t necessarily think it’s the Shtupi. Who knows — it could be caused by any number of things. Over-population? Poisoning our atmosphere with our own toxic waste? Breakdown of our genetics after being replicated so many times? Our solar system passing through a mysterious region of nebulous gasses alien to our atmosphere? Too many cute cat pictures?
How come we have more and more students in college, but fewer and fewer competent graduates? You see it, right? A college can’t develop good sense in a dumbbell. Or wisdom. Many of today’s college students, apparently unable to think for themselves, are easily manipulated by Shtupi Shtupid Virus-infected pinhead professors. How else can you explain mobs of brain-dead students willing to march, chant, wave signs, jeer, punch, kick, smash up their own campus simply because, in the name of free speech, they want to stifle the speech of someone invited to speak on their campus about free speech! Now that’s just plain stupid.
Remember President Obama saying “The cops acted stupidly”? We all know obtuse Congressmen. Boobs behind the desks of tv news media. Fatuous Federal leaders. Hollywood half-wits. Simple-headed social mediaites. Do you find today’s music inspired or insipid? And of course the proof of the pudding; the myriad of video interviews with people on the street, one more stupid than the next. All clearly infected by the Shtupi Shtupid Virus.
How else can you explain an entire deadhead generation dedicated to going through life looking for reasons to be offended? Or another group of simpletons willing, without any convincing evidence, to march, chant, wave signs, jeer, punch, kick, smash, break and burn things in support of even one dork who claims he’s been offended. That’s just plain stupid.
Think of all the stupid people and things you encounter every day — sometimes in the mirror — every day there seem to be more and more dopes on our planet. The virus is spreading and there is no cure for Shtupidiosis.
Wait, you may argue, there have always been stupid people. The pages of history are filled with their stupid stories. But think, my friends, today we are immersed in a crescendo of stupidity. Think of the coda in the final movement of Brahms’ First Symphony… the French horns are about to blare Stu-pid-i-ya! (The condition of being so utterly stupid that it doesn’t matter anymore)
And, looking skyward, lo and behold, hide your womenfolk, here cometh the Shtupi
