10.10.2006

Daffy Duck

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Let's get away from politics for awhile, shall we?

I don't watch a lot of tv, I haven't for many years. But recently I have had cause to see a lot of cable tv shows - those endless, endless home improvement type shows, the girls' make-overs and that sort of vomitous pap some call entertainment. I am struck by a couple of things.

First, with regard to men, it seems these cheap cable shows are overrun by homosexuals. Okay, it's a whole new genre, a whole world of employment previously unheard of. Bob Vila and Norm from "This Old House" would probably not be real comfortable letting these guys anywhere near their tools.

Well, since men are hopeless anyway, let's just go to my personal favorite; girls. And by that I mean females. I can no longer call them women. Yes, there it is, that's just the point. They may be over 18, they may be fully grown and fully employed, maybe even wealthy. But somewhere along the way, the female gender underwent a strange, almost alien change.

I still remember the graceful women of yesteryear, with their slow moves and sultry voices. What we seem to have today is an entire generation of adult little girls. Their speaking voices have moved from their throats up into their sinuses. They all - and I mean all -sound like they went to the Daffy Duck Voice Coaching School. Add to this the bizarre "modern girl speaking style" where every sentence ends with a question mark - "I came in the front door?" - "The make-up I use?" - "The guys who installed my kitchen?" It's enough to make you scream? Add to this the almost-whisper, where the amount of air they push through their voice box is just barely enough to produce a sound, so it trails off at the end of a sentence with a sound that reminds me of a death rattle.

Since I was a kid, I've been in awe of gracious, intelligent, good-looking women. It's in my blood. But today's chicks!? Today, with all their discretional income, and all that's available in fashion, almost any woman can make herself more than attractive. Downright sexy. But they seem to think attractiveness ends with fashion. It doesn't. An elegantly dressed, beautifully coiff'd, exquisitely made-up woman may be a feast for the eyes, but when she opens her mouth and that nasal Bugs Bunny "aaaya" assaults your senses, it's enough to make a man's ears hurt and his testicles shrivel like California raisins.

And what's with the gargoyle Rosie O'Donnell types!? They dress in lesbo brown jackets with collared blouses, make themselves up like mortician cosmeticians, and everything they say and do is as ugly as their faces. No doubt it's their inner ugliness, the ugliness of the mind, oozing up through their endodermis and finding its expression in their faces. I see it in Hillary Clinton for example. Here was a really beautiful young woman, bright, ambitious - but her ambition, her twisted philosophy - her inner self - finally made its way up and out and now shows on her face like a twisted witch's mask. No, don't give me that baloney about women lose their looks when they get older. That's total bull. Many mature women never lose their attractiveness, because their inner beauty shines through and makes them glow. Only immature men can't see it.

If you are old enough to remember how women were in the 1940s and 1950s, you'll know what I mean. Oh sure, for every Arlene Dahl or Kate Hepburn or Julie London or Janet Leigh there was a ditzy Lucille Ball or a Marilyn Monroe (both of whom, by the way, were real "dolls" when they were younger). By and large the girls in those years were emulating the Hepburns and Sandra Dee types. Ever since Cindy Lauper made it fashionable with "Girls just wanna have fun," and Madonna taught the sleaze factor to grammar school girls twenty years ago, we have grown a generation of lacey-edged, midriff-baring tarts with annoying voices. I dare you, just listen to average schoolgirls today. Your neighbor's kids, the kids in any mall, kids on tv, scurrying up and down the supermarket aisles with cell phones. Those Bugs Bunny voices would be considered torture by the Islamoes down in Gitmo.

If you are a mother of a young girl, don't get upset with me, ma'm. Your energy will be better spent looking at who your daughter is emulating. Paris? Jessica? Is this all we have left in America for young girls? To want to grow up to be like THEM? Ma'm, your girls need to be sent to charm school. No wonder American boys are the way they are. They'd rather get themselves a mail order mate from Tailand or Manila, or even walk on the wild side with a guaranteed-to-have-sex gay boy, than to have to put up with these girls and their whiny, nasal demands.

I don't know... maybe you know... eh, what's up doc?
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